Feeling a warm, compassionate smiling-laugh as I reflect on the human condition and the dedication with which we seek to solve our problems and achieve our aims. This weekend a bit of a joy-ride and slow opening.
Some drama, an apparent crisis, associated with a friend of a friend and creeping into our relating as well. Words like ‘threat’ and ‘attack’ were in there. My fight-flight mode was triggered, agile mind jumping about, seeing the situation from each perspective, what’s really happening here, what’s needed. As I walked along the river at Currumbin in the early morning sunlight, I managed to catch myself hard at work with all this and felt a sense of compassion rise for the urgency and dedication with which I was seeking to understand and manage things.
That slowed it all down as I felt my heart open and a gentle, watchful curiousity take it’s place. I didn’t know what the answer was and didn’t need to. I decided to gently ‘watch this space’ instead. This allowed me to come to a more compassionate heart-space for others involved and later take a gentle step from this place.
The weekend was a gradual slowing down and unfolding, reminding me to honour this process, this gentle, watchful curiousity.
By Sunday afternoon, after a swim, I gave myself the gift of sitting on the beach with a coffee and just being, without needing to make the space ‘useful’.
Questions and reflections came bubbling up as I again watched my mind jump about, exploring some issues around trust and safety. Did trust mean trusting my ability to hold myself through whatever happens? What about trusting that what I most want will evolve? In opening into the unknowing between these two places, a wonderful energy moved up and filled my being and my body, not my eyes, began to cry in recognition and relief. The answer was in the space between, felt as truth and would disappear in the face of labels and explanations.
Do you ever consciously allow yourself to be in a place of unknowing, even about the really important stuff? Have you felt the raw power and beauty of this? What happens to your fear when you choose this?